As soon as you announce that you are expecting……I mean, the very minute you share the news, inevitably, the comments and advice start a’ flowin’.
It is for this reason, that one would assume, that in the approximately 9 months from the time you go public with your pregnancy , and the time of the baby’s arrival, you would have heard it all, and thusly, be fully prepared, or at least, feel like you know what’s coming.
No. You don’t. You do not have any idea.
For example, you don’t realize it, but you actually have some conditions that you are unaware of, and they will surface once you become a parent. You will most likely develop a very low threshold for loud noises, you’ll have sensory overload difficulties, even if it’s just the voices of your precious children, who are all talking to you and asking things of you all at once.
Why does this make me crazy?! I don’t understand! I’ve spent half my life listening to the radio at maximum volume, going to concerts, clubs, and parties. {Jesus Saves}
It’s not the same, can I get a witness? I’ve literally screamed at my children, “AHHHH! WHY ARE WE ALL BEING SO LOUD?!”, in a fit of absolute sensory overload. Never once did that in high school.
You turn into that detective guy, “Monk”. Ya know, the obsessive compulsive germ-a-phobe? That’s you now. You have hand sanitizer in every bag you own, three in the car, one on your keychain and a variety of sanitizing wipes, some of which are “specially formulated for hands and faces”. When you take your children to a public restroom, they have goals; “touch every. single. surface. and run my hands all across that metal bar next to the toilet”. Yes, you are on high alert and you can actually feel your chest tighten slightly as soon as they ask to go potty. Is it just me?
You might also be prone to fits of frustration over the slightest inconveniences.
For example, I recently purchased a 3 pack of those cheap, plastic shower caps {because, let’s be real, I ain’t got time to blow dry my hair every time I take my weekly shower}. The other night when a certain child (it was Ava) was bathing, she found them, opened the package, and had all 3 floating upside down in the bathtub all slimy and soapy. Folks, this should not be a big deal. However, I was SO irritated! My brand new Wal-Mart shower caps! All wet and soapy!! Those costs like…..$3.00 or something! “This child is out of control! She must be stopped!”, I think to myself.
“Ava, why are these floating in the tub?! These are mommy’s special shower caps! Now I have to pull them out and….let them dry over here on a towel….” {back out slowly, maybe she won’t notice that you’re acting like a lunatic}.
Sometimes you’re like a tyrannical communist dictator.
“The kitchen is CLOSED! No more food! You’re done!! You’ve had enough and I’m not getting up again. I just sat down!”
You’re also a raging hypocrite.
“Do not YELL at your brother like that!!!” {you scream from across the room}
“You can’t eat raw cookie dough, it will make you sick”, you tell them, as you lick the spatula.
“Can you guys share please…..Ava that’s the last piece of pizza and it’s mine.”
Here’s the point; children have a way of bringing out the worst in you…I’m sorry, but I keeps it real.
And the truth is, they also bring out the best in you. They cause you to take a deep, introspective look at yourself. They expose all your weak areas {and I have a lot}, and they make you want to do better, to be better, because you’ve never loved another human being the way that you love your children….
but that’s not enough for me.
I love my children deeply, and fully. I would lay down my life for them without thinking twice. I pray for them every day, and there’s not a single thing they could ever do to lose my love. Casey and I would do anything for them…
but if I’m being honest, sometimes that’s not enough to change me.
Only Jesus can do that.
And the more I press into Him, the more I experience His peace, and grace. He’s wearing away the anxiety, the struggle, the striving, and the worry. I can’t do it without Jesus meeting my needs in this way. He knows I’m a mess, and He’s been so faithful to show himself in ways that I desperately need.
I’m so thankful that when my crazy is showing, Jesus whispers…
“I’m here. I see. I know. Let me help you…”
He sees you too, and He will meet you where you are, if you let Him…
“When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to The Rock that is higher than I.” Psalm 61:2
In His Grace,
Suzanne
Grace & Patina 
Suzanne–its Chris here. Shizzam, girl! You be right on top of it! I see the gift of writing has flowed from your Papa and right on down to you. What a gift! Anyway, now that I’ve given the appropriate kudos, I’ll move on…………wisdom is flowing here………from our good Father and your experiences in and of life. You have been given “opportunities ” along your path that many have never been lucky enough to travel. And we both know we can give a big amen to that and at the same time we both know that we wouldn’t be nearly as “helpful ” (if that’s the appropriate word) to those around us. When I think of where I’ve walked and what I’ve been taken through, I’m amazed. Hey, the scars are there, and at times they become very “noticeable ” and somewhat painful as the enemy and father of lies, wants to take me down that road to oppression, fear, anxiety and anger. This is real and no good Christian needs to say that this is indicative of a lack of trust, freedom or any of those other negative self-righteous words of discouragement. Keep it real, sweet girl–real people have real “stuff”………..
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Thank you so much!!!
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